Testimony #1

Thought I would post this again, in the hope that sharing my journey and doubts might help others…. I’m in my 40’s and have come to Jesus in the last 18 months, and I had a strange string of coincidences, and one almost concrete supernatural event. First of all, I was at real low point, my wife and kids were in another country, and I was living in two countries due to work, plus financial worries etc, plus I was so depressed as I’d gone out the night before for a work colleagues birthday and had a hangover. I was like, I’m poor, I can’t afford to be in the same country as my family, and I’m too old to have hangover (especially as I don’t normally drink anyway) so I simply asked the sky the following… ‘god, are you real, cause if you are, I could do with some help. And btw, which one are you?’ Over the next few months, the following things happened. I had a dream in which I knew with absolute certainty Jesus was who he claimed to be, and I had this incredible feeling of peace, and I remember thinking these two sentences ‘there is nothing to worry about’ and ‘everything is going to be all right’. In 40 years, awake or asleep, I’ve never had a sensation like it, and don’t have the words to truly describe it. I put it down to a strange dream, but did wonder if it was more. I turn up to work and my colleague who is finishing the night shift is in tears. We’ve never talked about God before,plus she was new in our department. She tells me she had a dream, and in it her grandmother was with Jesus, and he tells her it’s her chance to say goodbye. She was agnostic at the time, but her grandmother christian. She calls home (from work) and tells her mother about the dream (I’m listening to the conversation). Her mother tells her that granny is in the lounge drinking tea, and is absolutely fine. She tells mum she is driving to see them anyway (3h drive) and when she arrives, grandmother has died unexpectedly. This shook me up when I found out all the details later, as I witnessed the call home the morning of the dream. I start to pray, but notice that all I ever do is moan about things and ask for help all the time. So I said this ‘god, all I ever do is moan. I don’t think I appreciate what I have. Is there someone I can help nearby?’ 3 days later an email from a woman arrives, asking for help with her husband who has terminal cancer and she need someone to sit with him for an afternoon, as she needs a break. It turns out she contacted the local church, one I’d only gone to once, ever, and they had my email and contacted me (along with other church members). Naturally I agreed to help. I saw my faults. This could have simply been early onset midlife crisis, but I saw how my attitude and ways were hurtful to others. I also so the things I’d done in my younger day, and how that would have hurt people. I also saw how my attitude was harming my marriage. As a result I made changes, and things got better, and the things my wife used to do to annoy me got better. I discovered that we can’t change other people, but we can change ourselves for the better, and by doing so, those around you change for the better. I’m beginning to understand what ‘born again’ means. I used to think it just meant someone who chose Jesus later in life, instead of being born into it. But now I see it’s a matter of changing the way you see the world, and changing your heart. Anyway, that’s what happened to me since I asked God for help. Yet I still have doubts. But despite my doubts, I’m choosing to follow Jesus, and continue to get to know him.

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