My testimony is always a joy to tell. I was listening to music when a song entitled “Israel” came on, which depicts Jacob wrestling with God. This stuck my conscience as it felt like it related to me. I looked up the passage in the Bible in Genesis and felt as though something had clicked. I had not made Christ Lord over my life, I was living how I wanted to live without putting Christ first. I immediately broke down crying and suddenly heard a Bible verse in the back of my head (it was a clear man’s voice, I still cannot remember what specific verse I heard, but I remember freaking out because I knew that it was in the Bible). It hit me, all these times I have prayed and tried to hear the voice of God, I should have just been listening to His voice through Scripture as THAT is how He ultimately speaks to His people today.
I broke down, closed my eyes and for the first time in 21 years prayed with a heart of true repentance. I cried, “God, please Lord save my soul for I am no better than Satan! (paraphrase)” I immediately saw a visualization of a pitch black room getting lit up from an unknown source. It was then at this moment that I felt I understood I had been lying to myself about being a true Christian all these years. I then saw a beautiful flash of a intricate cobweb of colors while I was closing my eyes still, as that represented an “epiphany” of understanding the Scriptures as a whole and seeing the unity within Scriptures (I grew up studying the Bible, so I already knew how it worked, but never really connected the dots as it definitely being the official Word of God) all at once. It was as if I could see the Bible’s unity, represented as a cobweb of colors. I then began to weep uncontrollably and here is where the interesting stuff happens…
I lost a sense of my body. It was as if I got launched into a dream-like state, yet completely conscious. I had no sense of time, and no sense of ego. All I saw was a blacker-than-black area. It felt as though it was infinite in size, and my soul was suspended in it. I immediately saw a very clear outline of a wooden door. This door, which felt as though it was hundreds of feet tall, cracked open. It didn’t open completely, but all I saw behind the door was the brightest light I have ever seen emanating from inside. It didn’t light up the blackness surrounding it, but lit up the door significantly which was suspended in this seemingly infinite darkness. However, it did feel as though this light made me aware of the darkness surrounding it. I was in complete awe when I saw this and felt for the first time in my life that I had seen/felt God. Not knowing exactly what was going on, I just accepted it as I felt this light was trying to envelope me with its presence. I felt, at the time, that it was the Holy Spirit.
I then felt an unexplainable wave of energy (almost like an invisible wave of water in the ocean) hit me first in the head and overtake my entire body. The light from the door I saw that was cracked open entered my body. Not all of it, but an essence of its fullness, which would be the Holy Spirit. As soon as I felt this it was as if I had been propelled back down to earth. I opened my tear drenched eyes, with snot dripping on the floor in front of me, and the first word that popped in my mind was “Sword” (I also felt the presence of this word while I was looking at the door crack open, as that is where it came from). I didn’t know what it meant, but knew I had heard/felt it. I immediately got up and said to myself, “I have been regenerated!”
That was three weeks ago. I have deciphered the meaning of “Sword” as meaning the sword of the spirit. God’s way of telling me with the English language that He saved me and gave me the Holy Spirit. I have joined XEE (a gospel sharing ministry in my church), all of my depression/anxiety I suffered with for years is completely gone, my relationship with my fiance is mended completely (as she was a true Christian, and I was not, so we had many problems), and I have an unsatiable hunger for the Word of God and sharing it with others (reading multiple chapters everyday).
The funny part is that after I was “born again,” I lost around 5-6 pounds over the next 7 days, just because I could barely eat anything! Another funny thing to mention as well, is that in my past I had smoked plenty of weed, drunk plenty of alcohol, was addicted to caffeine, enjoyed cigarettes/cigars a bit too much, and even had done LSD. But NOTHING, and I repeat, NOTHING will ever compare to the infinitely pure sense of peace and purpose I felt on the day of my regeneration. The ultimate, and only true, “high.” Which I certainly still have to this day. 😉
Have a great day! 😀